sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
