Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
