A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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