well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
