Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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