I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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