how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
