Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
