the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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