I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
