two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
