Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
