I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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