I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
