I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
