i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
