I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
