Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
