he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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