I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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