I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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