I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
