ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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