Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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