why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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