i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
