last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So vagazzling was a success
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
