plz talk dirty to me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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