Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
