Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
