Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
