JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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