i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
