im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
