You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
