I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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