ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
