Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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