I just threw up on my dentist
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
