matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
