Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
