I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
