life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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