lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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