i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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