nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
