I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
