No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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