the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
