I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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