Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
