if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
