i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This baby is an asshole
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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