Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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