apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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