I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
