If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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