And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
