That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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