woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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