there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drake has all the answers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
