I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
