they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
