Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
