i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sext me about skeletons
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
