I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
