see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
