Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
